Putting God first -- this has been my resolution for the longest time, really.
And as life gets busier, as I find myself getting so caught up chasing down things the world has to offer, it's  becoming more and more apparent how I'm not really doing this.
But I really do want to.
Common test results next week, and I'm actually really nervous.
In some way, it's really very make or break.
I guess when I'm walking on so thin a tightrope, there's not much room for error.
Thing is, I don't even know if I'm even of a high enough calibre to take on so high, so risky a rope.
Which brings me back to this--
Why am I so fearful? Why am I scaring myself out of my wits? Why does this matter so much to me?
Tiddyboo said this the other day - "If you place everything on grades, what happens if you fail?"
The answer seemed so obvious to me then: Don't fail.
But so, so easier said than done.
I really tried my best this time, I can say that with almost utmost certainty.
I studied beforehand, tried my hardest to understand all the concepts, yada yada.
Do your best, let God do the rest.
Pretty cliche, but i daresay I'll put my faith in that, believe that God has the ultimate plan, that He won't leave me alone to drown in my failure.
So why am I so terrified?
Why why why.
Shouldn't the presence of unshakable faith be evident in the absence of nerve-wracking fear?
Lol got back 2 writing assignments on friday .
Didn't do terrible, but didn't live up to my own standards either.
Yet I was this, this close to crying.
And that really just made me realise how much I've been esteeming the things of this world.
Which brought me back to what Tiddyboo said to me.
It's nice getting of this off my chest, I didn't realise how much it had been weighing me down.

Dear God,
I really really want to put You first.
i want to seek to please you in all I do, I want to have you as the centre of my life.
Because I know that while the world may cave in any time, You won't.
Because You are my solid rock.
Because You are You, and You're so much greater than I can ever imagine.

Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I'll put my treasure in You,

I won't worry, I won't fear.

I'll praise You in the sunshine and in the storm.

And I know You'll be with me come whatever.

Thank You for being a faithful God :)

Amen.