So, it's the 31st. The last couple of hours of 2014, and like the no life I am, I'm seated on the sofa, sipping wine (albeit from a donald duck glass), cringing at the countdown on tv, and feeling pensive. Kind of how all 31sts go, minus the wine. Except for 2013, I was on a plane that had just landed. Anyway.
Looking back, on 2014, all I can think is how it was a spectacularly unspectacular year. It was decent, just nothing I ever want to live through again. Not A Levels, not CCA stuff, just, no. It feels like the entire year was just hopping from stressing over one thing to another.
It's also the year I accepted that maybe anxiety is a thing I'm going to have to deal with. Like, full blown crying, almost hyperventilating, voices of panic and rationality waging war in my mind, figuring out how to make my eyes look not-puffy and hoping people don't realise. Don't think I've been particularly successful, but I'm thankful to whoever didn't point it out. And the days where I'd go back and forth between a sinking feeling in my gut and feeling okay.
Also, I don't think I've ever gone into a new year with this much uncertainty. Every 31st December, I've known what the days after held - which school, class, subject combination, major examination. Not today. Today, too many question marks loom, and I've never liked this feeling. Maybe it's a test of faith. Maybe not, considering I don't have much of a choice.
Still, this 2015, the one resolution I'm going to put down is this - trust God, through the ups and the downs.. Jesus take the wheel.It's cliche as heck, but really, what else can I do. Maybe I'll pen down more when I feel up to it.
But 2015, here goes.
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