I haven't felt this burdened in a long time.
It's like there's this thing weighing at my heart, but I don't know what it is exactly.
And I feel like the bucket at wildwildwet, the one that gets filled up only to go splaaaaaash. The bells are ringing.
Cliche metaphors aside, I really do feel incredibly troubled, weighed down by uncertainty.
And I know I shouldn't, because God is in control, because faith moves mountains, yes, but I still do.
H3 Econs -
Do I give up? Do I just give it a shot and brace myself for failure?
Maybe I'm just not cut out to be outstanding.
Maybe mediocrity is where I'm headed.
Maybe I reached for the moon and instead of landing among the stars, I'm hurtling back towards earth for a spectacular splat.
PW-
So close to the end, but what if it wasn't enough?
What if we just don't match up to everyone else?
What ifs will be the death of me.
And gosh, I loathe myself for buying into these thoughts because they sound, in themselves, like lies that are placed before me to stop me from fulfilling God's destiny for me. Still, they eat away at my confidence, they sow seeds of doubt that leave me feeling so helpless, my faith shaken.
Then there's the other part of me that tells me that I am a bloody retard. And there's no one I can really confide in because honestly? They'll probably be thinking the same thing. That I'm the little girl who (mistakenly) believed for a moment that I could take on the world, that I'm just a whiny bitch who can't count her blessings.
Today, I'm not okay.
I'm not freaking okay.
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