There have been times this year when I've felt so down and lost and overwhelmed with disappointment and helplessness. I've been bitter and pissed off at my circumstances more times than I would like to admit. Tl;dr, it hasn't been a great 3 months, there have been a lot of highs and lows.
But this week, for the first time in months, I've felt so blessed and happy. It's surprising, considering how daunting the week looked from last weekend as I fretted over the presentations and whatnot I had the past week. I'm not usually a fan of narratives, they tend to be long and shallow and pointless, but good weeks should be penned down, together with all the off-tangent thoughts I've been keeping in, so here goes.
Monday
Monday was the scariest, tbh.
For context -- I spent literally half my Sunday finishing up my MA report, and when I woke up we still weren't done yet + I had to complete my analysis. Basically I spent 3 hours in the morning typing at top speed, then cabbed to school to continue typing furiously. We submitted it slightly late, but I was too relieved to care hahahaha.
I had an Econs presentation in the afternoon. This was the first (and I'm sorry, but hopefully last) time I was the only 1) local and 2) female in the group, so it hasn't been easy. We didn't get to rehearse before the presentation as well, so it really could have gone either way. But by God's grace, it went as well as I could have hoped for, something which I am endlessly thankful for. Now that it's over, I can even say that it has been a great experience getting to know these guys from the other side of the world (where I often dream of being). I can also say that that being called 'Boss' by a guy 6 years older and 2 heads taller is v strange but also empowering.
I had elevator pitch at night, and while I stumbled here and there, I'm actually pretty proud of myself for how it went. I got an audience that I was actually semi-prepared for, and the worryingly little research I had done turned out to be sufficient.
So yeah, it was an exhausting Monday but it went so surprisingly well I couldn't even complain.
Tuesday
Aka hell day #2, I had my LTB presentation. I'd actually poured so much time into the presentation slides so I was really proud of them hehe. We met in the morning to rehearse (for the first time, again) and make some last minute edits, and the presentation went pretty well. We were the last group to present, which was nerve-wracking af but it worked to our advantage yey.
I actually really liked this project, because my group mates are great and the guy we had to interview is one special snowflake who made our analysis a lot easier and the whole project a lot more interesting to work on. So yeah, presentation was fine, and I was so beyond relieved that the 3 giants were behind me.
Headed to the gym after that, bc apparently being mentally tired wasn't enough, then had dinner and went to teach tuition. Yeah, it was a bloody long day HAHAHA.
Wednesday
My birthday :D I was so thankful that hell stayed on Monday and Tuesday and the toxicity didn't leak into Wednesday lel.
Had a morning class, which is arguably not the best start to a birthday but welllLLLL. Then I met Mummy for ***KBBQ***, which was extremely satisfying bc I'd been craving it for a month before that hahaha. Then Emily came to meet me (much 感动z hello Em are you reading this 🌚), then I headed to teach a class. The number of 'then's in this paragraph hurts me on an emotional level, this is why I hate narratives.
Spent dinner with my LG, which is something I honestly wouldn't have expected 6 months ago. I'm still adjusting to this new church, still getting settled in into this group of people, but I'm honestly glad that I'm here. Church hasn't been an easy thing for me, so it's nice leaving all that shit in the past where it belongs. Dinner was confusing, because I realised that the way people see me isn't how I see myself at all. Or they were just being nice, and they all secretly hate me, who knows LEL.
Anyway, it was a great birthday, I felt really loved and full of love :')
Thursday
Thursday was another jam-packed day. Spent my morning in school with my MA group preparing for our presentation. I really like my MA group as well, it's a great mix of people and a lot of fun. Shoutout @ Amanda which she will probz never see for putting up with me for all this time, it was nice being in a project group together again hahaha.
Then I headed to my CSP which is teaching kids at NVSS. I've only been doing it for a couple of months, but I'm really happy doing it. I was honestly really upset that I wasn't doing an OCSP, but I'm happy where God placed me. These kids come from such a different background and teaching them is actually a lot more fun and fulfilling than I ever expected.
Had dinner with the famz at Platypus after that b/c LOBSTER ROLLS (heart eyes heart eyes) and it was all fun and good.
Okay def going off-tangent here but this has been in my head for a few days now. My family is pretty freaking awesome. Not in the conventional way, but I have parents who love me and a sister who is probably the kindest, best person I know. I don't actively lie about my family, but at the same time I don't go around advertising the way things are at home. And when people do find out, it frustrates me to no end when they give sympathetic eyes and ask questions, expecting me to pour out some tragic tale that really doesn't exist. Then I get the "oh it's okay if you don't want to share" line but there really isn't anything to share? I'm sorry my circumstances don't fit into your concept of misfortune from a less-than-whole family? I know I sound defensive and shit, and maybe I am, and on some level I know this all stems from someone else not knowing how to respond but oh dear me it is exhausting and quite frankly, annoying. Right, back to the gr9 week.
Another exciting thing that happened on Thursday -- my Dan & Phil book came :D Complete unabashed fangirl moment but these are probably my favourite youtubers and I don't know why it took me months to decide to buy the book but I'm glad I finally did.
Friday
Friday morning was unsatisfying because I had to cancel my hair appointment for my MA meeting *sigh* Headed to the Waterboat House starbucks after that to get some work done with the NUSMU humans, another bunch of friends I am endlessly thankful for (浪漫~~). Thennnnnn went down to Orchard to meet Marilyn, Yufei and Singmei for dinner, which was a blast as always. Japan Japan Japan our trip cannot come fast enough hehe :)
Saturday
Ah, I'm finally at yesterday. Had class + MA presentation in the morning. It was probably the most fun presentation I've had thus far, and it went pretty well imo. More importantly, I'M DOOOOOOONNNNNEEEEEEEE with my presentations for this semester whoooooooooo.
Met Emily (hello again Em) for lunch + Easter service + waffles. The Easter service was about hope and it was really thought-provoking, which is something evangelistic services usually aren't to me.
FINALLY, I had dinner at PasarBella at MBS with the girls (what are we even called? Nokia? Z-formation? Line of emojis?). Needless to say it was a great time as always and okayiamsodonewiththisnarrativethingjustletmelive.
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Which brings me to today, Sunday morning, where I've just spent almost two hours rehashing my week in unnecessary detail. It was worth it though, cos I have no doubt the time will come when I'll need reminding that good weeks still exist and God is still good.
I'm done with all my presentations and submissions (other than an LTB report) now so it's just finalsfinalsfinals which I have no motivation to study for just yet. So this is me taking the day off to recover from a mentally, physically and socially exhausting week. It has literally been early mornings every freaking day since last weekend, and this is a life I am not accustomed to. Also, so many meetings with friends. There are a lot of times I worry about how few close friends I have in SMU, but weeks like this make me appreciate that I'm really not as worse off as I let myself believe.
I'm so excited for Summer -- I'm going to spend May working, and June + early July travelling. I'm planning to finally make a solo trip, which is something that has been on my bucket list for the longest time now so A+++ for excitement hehe. JUST GOTTA GET PAST THE NEXT 3 WEEKS.
Okay done with the mental word vomit now, time to go take a nap or start planning my trips or spend a few hours on youtube now. What finals?
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