It's been a month or so of university, and it's been okay so far. I don't know if I've entirely settled in, but I hope not, because, I don't know, I guess I was expecting more. I could go on and on about how many times I've questioned everything, but that's not what I want to go into today. (That being said, it's been a fun ride so far -- I had a blast through Summer and it feels good to be learning again #geek. It's just been a rough week for a whole myriad of reasons.)
It's been the season of send-offs and farewells and after going to the airport time and time again, the wanderlust is at an all-time high. The more I think about it, a week or so in a city alone sounds like an absolute dream. I've taken to googling flight prices and planning trips in my head. Recess week? Winter break? CNY? Summer? London? Melbourne? Bali? All of them? MONIES?
I'm going to be absolutely honest - it still kind of hurts thinking about how I could have been another send-off the past week, how I could be starting a new life in a new environment in a new city, if only all the 'if only's had fallen into place. And as happy as I am for all my friends, and thankful for where I am, it's difficult shutting up the voice in my head that tells me that I just wasn't good enough.
Anyway, on a less unhappy note, university hasn't been as stressful as I expected. Maybe (probably) it's the mods I'm taking this semester, coupled with pretty chill profs, but I've had a lot of time on my hands recently. It's refreshing, but also quite unnerving, actually not feeling guilty spending hours watching youtube, or having 'chill with book and coffee' as part of metaphorical schedule (we all know I don't actually do schedules). Then again, there is a very real possibility that I'm just in denial and I will regret all this slacking in about 2 weeks.
Also, I'm 100% sure my stress-coping mechanism involves finding a new band/ singer/ actor/ show, and then blowing time watching every possible video youtube has to offer. This time round, it's a singer, but that's not my point. I can't help but wonder what it's like being so exceedingly good and passionate about something to the point that you know without doubt that it's something you want to do. And then to get to do it, and to live your dream doing something you love. I mean sure, I like the thought of working in the finance sector being overworked but hopefully not underpaid in an office job, and I'm on my way there, but I can't exactly say that it's the one true thing I've wanted to do all my life.
I don't really know what to say now so bye I guess?
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