Thoughts @ two

It's been really, incredibly long since I've written something not whining about life and shit. I've got this whole backlog of half-written posts that I left as drafts because gosh, even I can't deal with myself and my need to over-analyse situations and people and things.

But anyway.

I've been mugging for JCTs. And mugging. And mugging, and mugging. Sigh. Not sure if I'm relieved or freaked out that As will be over and gone in less than 170 days. Yeah I'm counting down to the end, not the start because my stomach gets all twisty and my heart starts beating really fast and I think I have mild anxiety disorder or something, because that has been happening quite a bit recently but well, I don't know.

I've gone back to indulging in books as my escape. Both legit books and Wattpad. I guess the books I read can be categorised into two types - the deep, make you rethink your outlook on life type and the absolutely frivolous, mindless type. I've been gravitating towards the latter recently, because there's already waaaay too much on my mind. It's so nice losing myself in some fictional universe where the sun shines brighter (figuratively, Singapore could do with a lot less sun) and skies are bluer and things always work out absolutely fine.

The excessive Wattpad-ing has also gotten me wondering what it feels like to fall in love. I've always been a sucker for romance in books and movies. Anything that can make me swoon and reduce me to tears, actually. But the whole meeting the perfect guy, getting married, starting a family thing has just never been something I've dreamed about. Not in the past few years anyway. I should stop building unrealistic, fictional sandcastles in the air about relationships though. Hahaha I have this list I wrote way back when about the perfect guy after some Vday service in Church. I've pretty much kept to it all these years. I wonder if I'll fall in love with someone in like 2 days, storybook style. Or after knowing him for ages and then "slowly, and then all at once" (tfios reference what up) . I wonder what he's doing right now, where he is, who he's with. Or maybe I'll just be alone 5eva and just continue feeding off books and movies while everyone else gets attached (okay that sounds a lot sadder than I'm picturing it).

Right, enough incoherent musing, I should sleep.

More mugging tomorrow. Less procrastination.

Wheeeeee.