I had a pretty bad dream last night/ this morning -- not an apocalyptic ninja monkeys chasing me-type nightmare, but still enough to make me cry in my dream. Also, considering how my dreams mainly consist of the most random bits and bobs popping up here and there for no particular reason, this is the closest to a nightmare I've had in a really long time lolol. Also, one of the few dreams I actually recall so wheee I'm gonna record it.
I don't remember the lead-up to this, but it started out with my class in LC4 and for some reason, Mr Zein was conducting some activity to do with a Harry Potter quiz and we were in our PW groups. And all the questions were really easy until it hit my group and we were asked 'What is the best timing to go through a liver check up? Slow, medium or fast?' And for some reason 'medium' popped into my head and I was so sure I was right but the answer turned out to be 'Christmas roast bark'. YEAH IDEK WTH BRAIN
(Totally aware that I might sound like a whiny bitch here, btw, but ah heck.)
Then it got shitty - we went to the hall and I saw Mrs Chin. So I went up to her and asked if I was supposed to have received anything regarding H3 Math, like notes or something and she said yes. And if I hadn't received anything then it meant that I had not gotten in. To which I was like "But you sent the acceptance email?????" And in true Mrs Chin fashion she told me that a lot of people got accepted so they narrowed it down and yeap.
And ideky but this was the point I lost it and my face kind of just crumpled up and I couldn't stop crying because I didn't actually realise it but I guess I'm actually looking forward to it LOL. And other reasons.
Yeah then I woke up feeling kind of shaken and also pretty pathetic that that was all it took to make me cry. Math. LOL.
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I guess on a deeper level it's because everything seems to be hanging on this fragile balance and it seems like one. damn. move. could make/break everything, and that was definitely a break. But I also feel really dumb because it wasn't even something tangible that I saw flying away, just a prospect seeming another step further away.
Honestly? I'm really afraid that all this anticipation is going to destroy me if everything falls flat to the ground come next (next) year because realistically speaking, it's not like that one step back would have made much of a difference. Still, I cling on to some kind of blind hope. Maybe it's faith. In which case, I should just really stop incessantly worrying my damn brain and trust God.
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On a less depressing note, the holidays have been going pretty wonderfully :) A nice break before Y6 starts and all hell breaks loose. So far, it's been a nice mix of (much valued) alone time and going out with friends and like damn can I live like this forever :< Books and movies and food and tumblr and youtube and fangirling // not having a life is underrated.
Also, I've started attempting to learn French HAHA. It has been on my bucketlist since I was in P3 or something. BONJOUR.
Really looking forward to Taiwan and Hongkong in 2 weeks with le mother :) Leaving on Christmas Day bc boss hahaha. Hot spring/shopping/EATING here I come whooooop.
And then I'll have to survive a month of school before heading to Phuket for CNY w the fam because yunno, we're traditional like that. I'm even more excited for this tbh because how damn good does sitting by the beach and getting massages after a grueling month of lessons sound.
:D
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