Seventeen

Seventeen doesn't feel all that different from sixteen (no duh)
Sixteen was pretty okay, as good as teenage years get i suppose.

Celebrated w the z-for-ma-tion girls (LOL) on tuesday, and with 43rd batch today :)

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Aaand the rest of this isn't going to be very birthday-esque but I just need space to mull over what has been weighing on my mind recently. Soooo. /activate philosophical mode/

If there were one thing I'd change about myself, for sure it'd be to be more outgoing, to be less of a socially awkward panda.
These days, I'm taking introvertedness to a whole new level. Maybe it's the stress from school that is keeping me too tired to want to interact with other human beings, but isolation/being invisible suits me pretty darn well (please don't take this personally). But still I can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be able to gel with people instantly rather than hiding in the shadows until I'm sure that the light doesn't burn (terrible metaphor, I'm sorry). But yeah.

Aaaand I'm just getting so dissatisfied with the way I am. Mediocre. Mediocre smart, mediocre (if at all) cool, not _____ enough and it's really getting to me. And opportunities to build any future like I imagined are slipping through my fingers one by one, and I'm realising that the future as based very much on the present. In which case, the outlook doesn't seem all that bright.

Just, nothing's really going the way I'd hoped, and this is a pretty crappy hole to be in.